let's get real...

about diet coke.  i LOVE the stuff.

i usually drink this much of it:

but i would totally drink this much of it if 7-eleven would but give me the cup.

it is cool, it is sweet, it is calorie free.  you can drink it plain, or you can dress it up.  i, generally, dress it up a bit.  i throw in a lime.  i put in a splash of sprite.  i go crazy and add a lime AND some sprite.  or, when i'm feeling especially bold, i splurge for a slutty diet coke.  (slutty diet coke: diet coke mixed with any number of slurpee flavors.  especially delicious when paired with cherry, pina-colada, or lime.)  

diet coke has taken me through my ups and my downs.   it is every bit as friendly and comforting during bad days, late nights, and long classes as it is at lake powell.

photo cred: melinda- "diet coke...cures what ailes ya."

we have had a long and fulfilling relationship, diet coke and i.  but, if i am being honest with myself, i think it has gone too far.  i think i have loved diet coke too much, i have become co-dependant, and i have ignored and excluded all other beverages from my life.  including water.  sometimes, the only water i drink in a day is the water i use to rinse my mouth after brushing my teeth.  which is alarming.  and sad.  and unhealthy.  

so, i am taking a two-week break from diet coke.  i'm leaving it cold-turkey...for fourteen days.  i'm scared.  i'm jittery.  i'm a little lost.  but, i think it's necessary.  and, when this two week probation period is over, hopefully i will be able to go back to my dear cola friend, in healthy doses.

who am i?

at church today, i was told i look like a combination of naomi watts and amy poehler.

this was striking to me because, though i took this as an ENORMOUS compliment (who doesn't like being told they look like a combination of a hot aussie babe and one of hollywood's funniest funny girls), i don't think that i look like either one of them--together or separate.  

and then i started thinking about all of the people who i have been told that i look like.  

1) emma stone,

2) jennifer lawrence,

3) rashida jones,

4) carey mulligan,

5) jessica biel,

and 6) a jessica biel/jennifer garner mash-up.

that is a list of lovely, lovely ladies.  there is, however, a little problem: i don't think i look like any of them even though i really, really wish i did.  believe me.  oh, to be like one, or any, or all of those women.  not only would i be beautiful, famous, well dressed, and rich, i would also be dating and/or married to these men at any given time:

                            

oh, hey boys...do you think i look like any/some/none/all of your beloveds?

no?  rats.

the other interesting thing about this whole (non) doppelganger situation is that these starlettes don't really look like each other either.  there's not an overarching theme to their faces, hair, eyes, or anything.  this leads me to one conclusion: i am a metamorphmagus.  i can change my face shape, eye color, hair texture, eyelash length, lip-plumpness, nose structure, you name it, whenever a whim takes me, just like nymphadora tonks.  i appear to different people as different movie stars.  a pretty cool super power, if i do say so myself.  but, at the end of the day, it does leave me wondering, "who am i, really?"

what's happening to me?

you guys. lately, i've been listening to...country music.

i'm speechless.  and a little confused.

mainly, i blame nashville.  its music is just sooooooo good.  for example:

now.  these songs are not traditional country.  they're more bluegrass or folk-y.  they say nothing about trucks or dogs or hunting or beer.  and there is nary a honky-tonk guitar riff to be heard.  they are just beautiful, beautiful love songs sung by beautiful, beautiful people.  with a country twist.  in nashville.  seems innocent, innocuous enough.  and so i downloaded them, put them on a playlist, and played them into oblivion.

then, i heard about a little tv show called friday night lights, and subsequently fell in love with tim riggins in all of is cowboy-boot-wearing, country-loving, texas-forever glory.  behold.

can you blame me?  good.  me neither.  his little drawl and ability to ping-pong between drunken looser and resident wiseman drew me in and stuck me fast.  he made me feel safe and secure in the country.  he made me want to slap on my wranglers, jump into the cab of his truck, and yell, "let's head to the football game, y'all!"

looking back, i think that this was the point where i lost control.

after i found tim, i downloaded this song:

don't let taylor swift's ability to jump from one genre to another fool you.  she's nothing but a country queen in this little ditty, a country queen partnered with two country kings.

then, i downloaded this song:

ladies and gentlemen, miranda lambert is a country music artist.  nothing more, nothing less.  in the last week, i downloaded a straight-up-no-chaser country song.

and, the final straw.  when i heard this on the radio this morning, i thought, "this is awesome."

yes, nelly does blow this track up.  but.  i thought the song was downloadable before i knew nelly was on it.  that means i listened to two verses of twang before there was anything even rap-ish whatsoever about it.  when a song's lyrics are, "in this brand new chevy with a lift kit/ would look a hell of a lot better with you up in it," that song is all country, all the time.

i am befuddled.  i am bemused.  i need to take a time out with this remix of remix to ignition and think about what i have done.

(thanks g for the much needed breath of sanity.)

one car poorer

this one time in march, i was driving on foothill drive at approximately 9:20 am.  due the herds of cars stampeding to research park or the university of utah, traffic is treacherous at that place, at that hour.  and when traffic stops, it stops quickly.  and that morning, stop quickly it did.  it happened like this:

a light turned red.
people screeched to halt.
i was one of those people.
i thought to myself, "self, that was a quick stop.  i hope whoever is behind me stops."
i checked my rearview.
"self, that car is not going to stop."
boom.
i got smooshed into the car in front of me.
i then got pushed into the next lane of traffic.
the car i hit hit the car in front of her.
he hit the car in front of him.
the total number of cars affected was 5.
the total number of damage to my car was totalled.

so, i am down one car.

i took the passing of my elantra harder than i thought i would...though i never thought about losing it before i lost it.  i didn't come by my car of my own volition.  it was my dad's idea.  he gave it to me for my undergraduate graduation combined with the "gift" of a credit history (aka- i had to pay a lot of it off).  i wasn't super excited about the payments that rolled around religiously each month.  but, the car grew on me.  i loved the way it handled in the snow.  i loved that it was a stick shift.  i loved that it had a hatch-back.  i love that i kind of felt like i was driving a silver bullet.  and now, all of that is gone.

when i went to pay my last respects and gather my belongings from its remains, i was more emotional than i expected.  in that moment, i decided that i should have named it Hi Ho, Silver (think of how punny that would have been), and i felt really bad that i never did.  i remembered how often i complained about paying for it.  i remembered how many cool trips it took me on.  i remembered how easy it was to park.  and i was sad.  i've never felt more like a boy in my life.

i guess the upside is that i have a huge sunglasses collection.

for the time being, until i find my new car, i'm driving around this sweet lil' thang:

it belongs to my grandparents, and, no lie, drives like a dream.  but, the hands-down-best part of this champion of a 1995 baby blue ford taurus is how my grandpa attached the registration stickers...

the original timeline.  way to go, grandpa.

yes.

the world cup is coming to utah.

the qualifying match against honduras will be held here on june 18.  i think this calls for a little celebratory coldplay.

(hats off to G for supplying basically this entire post.)

amen

couldn't say it any better.  feels like i've been training all my life.

but, in the event that there are no positions available, i would settle for writing this blog:

http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/blogs/obsessed/2013/01/that-time-bradley-cooper-took.html

weighing in

i have never been a bachelor fan.  but somehow, this year, i got sucked in.  let's be honest, though.  it was only a matter of time.  i drink obscene amounts of diet coke.  i love us weekly.  i've read all four twilight books.  really, considering my resume, it's amazing i've held out this long.

so, the time has come, and i have fallen...for catherine giudici.

she's cool.  cooler than sean.  she can fit into a tire.  she has a normal voice (not one that's super high, sugary sweet, and hisses out S's like a ssssssnake).  and she doesn't cry all the time, like someone i know...

plus, she does humorous stuff.















and she says humorous things.

she makes the entire show seem somewhat normal and restores my faith in the kind of womankind who apply for and go onto reality tv shows in order to find true love and get married.

also, i'm pretty sure she could kill tierra, my new arch-nemisis.

i would be lying if i didn't say that i generally view "the bachelor" as a battle royal between me (catherine) and dramatic, bratty, temper-tantrum-throwing, volatile, pushy, aggressive, pouty manhandlers (represented by tierra).  so far, catherine and i have won.

come on, sean.  we look great in a wedding dress.

somehow, i feel like my whole life's happiness is contingent on who sean picks as his wife...